The Cultural Stigma of "Wait"

Piles of snow walls start melting, warm wind blows, and flowers bloom. “For a fresh start, meet somebody new!” says a dating service advertisement and “People need to fall in love in spring!” says Geoffrey Chaucer. Maybe because of our genetics and our culture, spring is considered the “love” season.
If you are a man, you may look online at social places such as Facebook, Myspace, etc and you fantasize a perfect date with the ideal woman. Through the social spaces, you may have a selfish, one-sided communication about “love.” You may enjoy dating games and when you find a woman you get along with you may ask her out. However, if you are a woman, can you ask for a date with your “cute guy” or must you “wait” until he asks you out?
If a woman asks a guy out, people may think that she is aggressive. Some people may think that she is desperate and she needs the help of dating services such as eHarmony. Your friends may say, “Be patient. Wait until he comes.” Why do women always have to wait?
The idea of “women” and “waiting” may be the creation of cultural myths. The women may be victims of popular culture over centuries and centuries. Sleeping Beauty waited for Prince Charming for a hundred years while she just slept. If it really happens in our society, the beauty definitely becomes an uninteresting, dry, female mummy. In Victorian novels, main female characters always wait for their Mr. Right by overcoming emotional conflicts and eventually find true love. Even in twenty-first century TV shows like Sex and City, a successful modern woman waits for “Mr. Big” to hurt her fragile heart.
“Woman” and “wait” seem to be programmed in our brains. But if the women cannot be patient, what do they do? They may screw up every relationship because she may be “pushy” by moving towards a commitment too fast. Men seem to dislike this and lose interest in the woman. Again, the women cannot go against the universal rule of “wait.” The women have to wait until the men come with commitment.
Through the process of learning this rule, women may have a difficult time understanding what they need from their relationships. Experiences are very important to have in order to maintain ideal relationships, but those experiences may hurt. Step by step, women may be closer and closer to their perfect relationships. Even though some relationships hurt, close friends always heal broken hearts. Men may come and go, but friends and chocolates are forever, so think about the calories later.

Naoko Fujimoto

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