The IUSB Vision Weblog

The way to crush the middle class is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation. – Vladimir Lenin

What Women Want Men to Know

Posted by iusbvision on December 6, 2006

Chivalry, heroism, macho-ness, these are all fine and dandy, but it is not all we want. Sometimes, it is really nice for us if you stop trying to impress people and just be yourself. There is nothing more annoying than a mask being put on when others are around. Alone, together, men can be real, and wonderful, but the romance grows stale real quick when they try to be all macho-manly, even it is not who they are. We are not impressed. Relax, don’t try so hard, we like you to be just who you are without all of the frills and showing off. Besides, it is more likely that you will jus end up humiliating yourself by trying to do something cool that you are unable to do right.

A real man can wear pink! Te he. In all seriousness though, we think that you are much more of a real man when you are logical, not muscle-headed, considerate, not  a show off, and strong, but not a bully. 

Bottom line, it pays to be real, and not to put on facades to impress the one you are smitten with.

Carlie Barr

7 Responses to “What Women Want Men to Know”

  1. R Batz said

    An interesting piece as it scratches a major itch I have been feeling. I have always found it ironic to observe so much bondage in a country that prides itself on being the land of the free.

    Why is it that we Americans cannot accept ourselves for who we are? We have grown accustomed to hiding behind layers of make-up, consuming packs of alcohol or chilling out in a mindless stupor for hours in front of the television. We thrive on escapes to the edge of sanity whether it be roller coasters at a park, skydiving or blind dates. It seems so hard for us to have honest and open conversations, sing songs that others can join in, or reach for the scrabble board instead the remote? Are we really so scared that people will discover our true self and be disappointed?

    We Americans tend to scoff at the half of the world that still allows parents and the community to help chose marriage partners and yet we experience divorce rates that makes the rest of the world wonder if we really know what marriage is about. Because we are not brave enough to become what we were created to be, we go along with the crowd and spend our days attempting to become either kings of the mole hills we stand on or accepted by those who are. It is sad when a nation no longer expect honesty and integrity in our politicans nor even in our relationships with each other.

    Do you think we could ever become the land of the free and the home of the free in our lifetime? Or is it time to rewrite our national anthem?

  2. Craig Chamberlin said

    R Batz,

    One day we will look into the mirror, by then, sometimes, I am afraid it will be too late for most. Your post lingers with true observational wisdom, which is scarce in these times. I hope that you tell everyone you meet the same things you have posted here. Creating a false visage from natural human insecurities will deconstruct our social appreciation for eachother, and can only lead to the eventual disregard for them. There are obvious signs of this, as you have posted above, if we continue down this path – I can see only complete disregard for those we do not see, complete discrimination for those we do not understand and complete hatred for those who disagree with us.

    A man said long ago, “If you are not with me, then you are against me.” How strongly this rings true today, although, he was not speaking of culture, he was not speaking of marriage, he was speaking of the truth. If one is not with the truth, they are against it. We have adopted this philosophy in America today, only to suggest, “If you are not with our truth, then you are against it.”

    All it will take then, of course, is a leader to bring them all together. A leader who will show them they are right to think of themselves first. A leader who will call to destroy those who disagree. I am sure you know of whom I speak.

    It is always just around the corner, but I do not know when it will happen, there is only one who knows. All we can do is see the signs and point them out in hopes that some will listen.

    I hope no one regards this as anti-american, for this social solitude, with the secluding use of technology and stereotypes has begun to exist in every culture. All people should be aware of it.

    Thank you for your words.

  3. Anonymous said

    I’m confused by the following statement:

    “We Americans tend to scoff at the half of the world that still allows parents and the community to help chose [sic] marriage partners and yet we experience divorce rates that makes [sic] the rest of the world wonder if we really know what marriage is about.”

    What do you mean by “help choose”? There is no law forbiding parents and communities from helping individuals choose marriage partners. Fortunately, however, individuals are allowed to disregard these influences and cannot be forced into a marriage.

    Certainly you don’t actually mean to imply we’d be better off if parents and communities were allowed to force arranged marriages, do you?

  4. Craig Chamberlin said


    You have failed to grasp the metaphor he was portraying. The issue of marriage, itself, is irrelevant – the issue is of hypocricy, in that we believe the rest of the world is wrong and we are right, but upon looking into the mirror, our use of marriage is clearly faltering and has every reason for others from the outside looking in to believe we have no understand of the true meaning of marriage.

    The same conclusion could have been drawn with many issues other than marriage. Economics, sociology, science or even faith in our culture has embraced American truths and ridiculed others for their own, only when looking under the microscope, the so called truths we have embraced are far from superior to those who are around us. In fact, in the very hopes of creating the illusion of the American Dream, we create an image that the rest of the world looks at scratching their heads.

    Why is the land of the free struggles with divorce? Why is they struggle with being themselves? Why is it that when people are given the freedom to be themselves, they hide it? Is it shame? Is it remorse? Is it cultural, spiritual or economical? In any case, it is clearly obvious. Although we live in a land that gives us the freedom to be ourselves, we are too afraid to be ourselves. When we are given the freedom to marry who we want, 50% of us divorce, and yet, we scoff at the notion of not allowing people to choose who they marry.

    He was not justifying their stance nor saying it was a better system, yet merely pointing out the flaw in our logic. If others do not stand for what America stands for, then they are wrong – but yet – when one looks into at the current state of what America currently is morally, ethically and spiritually, they find the very reasons people do not stand for the same.

    We have more freedoms than the rest of the world. Why are we afraid to be ourselves? Why are we afraid to practice our faith publicly? Why do we incessantly need the approval of those of us around us? We are free, yet we are in the slaves of materialism, culturalism and fear. Perhaps this is one of the greatest ironies of our time.

    This may seem complex, but it is not. America has inter-mixed freedom with happiness. But freedom does not beget happiness – therefore the land of the free will not beget happiness. Happiness stems from somewhere else, and it is not simply from the freedoms granted to us in America. We are free to live, but lock ourselves in the bondage of this world, true freedom comes from breaking from that bondage. However, the bondages of this world can be broken from in any culture, not just America. Happiness can exist in every culture, not just America. The key to happiness is to break from the slavery of this world, which any culture and any person can do.

    Therefore, Freedom in America merely creates the illusion of happiness, when the only way for us to obtain said happiness is to break from false visage we have created while living in this world. In fact, many Americans look at themselves and ask “I have a house, many friends, a car and a television. There are others in the world who are starving to death. Yet, I am not happy, this does not make sense to me! I have everything I need to live, but still I am unhappy! I have so much to eat, while others starve. I have a house to sleep in, while others sleep in the cold. I have a doctor to keep me well, while others die of simple diseases. Yet, amidst all of these things, I do not have happiness, it just does not exist for me.”

    This is a scary though, as I have sat and wondered in many times during my life why I wasn’t happy for these reasons.

    What R Batz pointed out is brilliant (although he would not admit to it I am sure), and a scary truth.

  5. Anonymous said


    I do grasp the metaphor he was trying to make, and I appreciate the sentiment of his post.

    However, I don’t think the metaphor he actually made works. I suppose I am nitpicking, which is ironic given the nature of his post, but his metaphor implied to me that those with faults of their own should not criticize others, no matter what. In the case of forced marriage, I do not believe one needs to fully own the moral high ground to condemn a deplorable practice.

    Since he did not use the language “forced marriage” I figured he must have meant something less objectionable, but not commonly practiced in the United States, like where families work closely with their children to find a mate. However, the phrase, “allows parents and communities…”, confused me because there is nothing legally preventing this. As far as I know, it is only a forced marriage that is not allowed.

    Again, I do understand the point that both of you are trying to make, i.e. that happiness comes from within and all that (coupled with spiritual overtones)… I just didn’t get, and still don’t get, the language of this specific metaphor.

    I did not mean for my post to be a condemnation of his. Why am I nitpicking? I suppose finals are over and I haven’t started worrying about next semester just yet ;)

    Happy Holidays Everyone!

    (Feel free to translate that to “Merry Christmas!” if you feel yourself to be a victim of the War On Christmas)

  6. Craig Chamberlin said


    haha, great response. I haven’t started worrying myself, which results in many overly-analytically-obsessively-compulsively drawn conclusions.

    As with the current cultures and other marriage alternatives he is pointing too, I could not answer the question. I feel, as with the metaphor, the message he portrayed could have been portrayed with any other idea America scoffs at other countries or cultures for. Therefore the specific details of the metaphor appear irrelevant to the overall point.

    This is my opinion, however, I can very much see where you would perhaps want clarification.

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you :) No problems to me for people saying Happy Holidays, it is only when people are forced not to say Merry Christmas. :)

    Or should I say, “Happy Hanuwanaquanzimas to you!” (Yes… I can poke fun around the holidays, haha)

    Thanks for your posts, this one has been particularly enlightening to me.

  7. Anonymous said

    I applaud your attempt to write an article for a (putatively) grown-up student paper; however, in the future, please check grammar, spelling, and coherency more carefully. (“Te he” [sic] does not belong in a formal piece. “even it is not who they are” might better be “even if it is not who they are,” “just” is misspelled as “jus”, etc.)

    Writing an article that’s actually insightful and doesn’t recite things that have been said many times (including in this weblog) would be nice as well.

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