The IUSB Vision Weblog

The way to crush the middle class is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation. – Vladimir Lenin

Matt the Teacher

Posted by iusbvision on October 27, 2008

Perhaps Barack Obama could learn a few things from the youth of today.

I recently had a great idea for my students. Under the pressure from my administrators to encourage positive experiences and, therefore, reenrollment for following semesters, Mr. Obama gave me the much needed inspiration I had been seeking. Thus, my plan began.

As I handed back some student essays that received a wide range of scores and critical comments from yours truly, I made the following proclamation:

“We need to change direction. I believe the middle of the class is our most important demographic, and for too long it has gone ignored by teachers and administrators who reward the smartest one percent of students. So I am proposing a grade break to 95% of my students to help jump start our education. We need to close the incentive programs for the smartest few such as scholarships and internships. It’s time to get our education program back on track and put the middle of class first again.

“No longer will the bright and studious lead class discussions and tutoring programs in an effort to bring others along through learning growth. Learning occurs from the bottom up, and we need to realize the days of trickle down intelligence is over.

“In my plan those students who are at the “A” level will have their grades reduced by ten percent. Clearly those top students have advantages such as parental discipline or personal responsibility that are simply unfair to the rest of the class. Therefore, they need to relinquish their fair share of points for the good of the whole student body. Those students who are below the “A” level will receive a portion of those appropriated points. Most benefiting from this program are those at the “D” level or lower, who despite clearly not studying that much in the first place, will receive the full ten point bonus, thus bumping them up to the middle of the class.”

One puzzled student decided to interject, “So you’re saying if I study hard and get good grades, you’re going to give my points to someone who didn’t study as hard as I did?”

“It’s not that I want to punish your success,” I said. “I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you has a chance at success, too. I think that when you spread the grades around, it’s good for everybody.”

“But I don’t want to do that,” the student added. “If someone is struggling I’ll be happy to help them on my own. I don’t need you to take my grades away.”

“C’mon,” I replied. “It’s time to have school spirit … time to jump in, time to be part of the deal, time to help get our school out of the rut.”

After a few more minutes of stringing this plot along, the students began to realize I was not serious about my proposal and would never consider the insanity of grade distribution.

As we concluded our discussion, one relieved young lady looked up at me from the middle of the room and meekly offered her own sensible proposal:

“Mr. S, I’m not a violent person, and this may not be nice to say. But, if you were to actually do that, I would have to punch you in the face.”

Now that is an “A” idea.

By Matt Spivey

One Response to “Matt the Teacher”

  1. Tim said

    This is hilarious. I wish all of my friends would have read this before the election. The sad thing is that this is true. Thanks for posting this.

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