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Archive for the ‘Sydney Chase’ Category

Simply Sydney: Is it Worth Losing A Friend?

Posted by iusbvision on September 25, 2007

Recently, a friend and I were hanging out and discussing what is going on around town and she mentioned that one of her friends had recently com out, acknowledging, accepting, and appreciating one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity. After giving this topic so thought I decided to look into maintaining relationships after a friend comes out.

The first step is for people to remember that, in actuality, very little has changed. The person has not mutated into an unrecognizable form. The only difference is that now more information is known about the friend. Also consider that your friend has just admitted something very personal to you. They, obviously, felt as though they could trust you with this information and that you would not judge them harshly while they are just trying to be open and honest with you. They are probably feeling a little insecure or vulnerable at this point.

The second step is to acknowledge your own feelings. A friendship is a two-way street. If something makes you uncomfortable with the situation talk to your friend about it. Often you will realize you were worried over nothing. Often people do not even know that they have an issue with sexuality and/or gender identity until they are confronted with it. Nevertheless, do not jump to conclusions about the friend. For example, coming out is not saying they have a crush on you. There are many rumors and myths that are out in society about this topic that are fictitious or over stretched to the point of being false.

Step three involves educating yourself. Look into the Human Rights Campaign and articles related to this issue. If you do read articles make certain that they are from scholarly sources. Do not assume that just because something was published that it is a fact or valid in the modern world. Before the Kinsey Institute there were probably people that believed certain “immoral” acts caused natural disasters. There are many other steps to consider but it is best to start with these three.

Remember that companionship is an important aspect of being human. A friendship should not be lost over a difference such as this. The sign of a strong friendship is continuing to maintain it instead of letting it end.

On a different note, if you have questions email sydneymchase@yahoo.com. It is completely private. Any question asked may be featured in future columns.

Sydney Chase

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Posted in Sydney Chase, Volume 4, Issue 3 | Leave a Comment »

Simply Sydney: Does This Mean We Are Breaking Up?

Posted by iusbvision on September 12, 2007

We believe in a world of make-believe. And most of the time it is because we are raised to. As children, most of the tales we hear end with the ever so cliché happily ever after. During our years of development, we are only given half the story. We see the initial tribulations leading to the beginning of the relationship between princess and shining knight and then it is over. Since we do not see the anything passed that point we assume that the birds are always circling over their heads. In many cases we see the struggles our parents endure, but our minds are already filled with the romanticized image, therefore we do not separate reality from fantasy.

What does this have to do with people in the real world? That’s simple. Since we already have the image of what we think is the “ideal romance” we assume that when the euphoria of the relationship wears off that the relationship itself is coming to an end. Often we do not realize that the stability that replaced the euphoria is a good thing. Nonetheless, when people see stability they end up thinking they are in a rut. And what do people do when they get into a rut? They try to spice things up. Obviously there is only so much spicing one can do before you end up with an undesirable mess. When people “save” their relationships by beefing up the physical they end up setting themselves up for a real problem. Instead of strengthening the couple they have become, they have just reintroduced themselves to a euphoric state. And obviously, those feelings do not last. If they started with small surprises that are great for getting the much needed “awe” response they might notice that the relationship is still there and getting stronger. Plus there is the added hint of the exhilaration they thought they had lost.

The onset of stability and being comfortable with each other in a relationship, no matter how old, does not mean the relationship has run its course. It is the perfect time to gain a real relationship with someone. The time when you can discover if you really care about the other person and if you are willing to let them care about you. For better or for worse, my little cliché for the week.

Sydney Chase

Posted in Sydney Chase, Volume 4, Issue 2 | Leave a Comment »